Smartphone parenting
I was at the city center the other day and I was sitting on a bench minding my own business when I saw a small kid running on the pedestrian street. This approximately 4 year old was laughing and screaming, jumping and bursting to every possible direction, just like little kids do. Then I heard a calm voice calling the kid's name and telling him to stop. I looked up to a man who was walking forward barely raising his eyes of his smartphone. The kid slowed down a bit, but soon kept messing around with the same energy.
There were traffic lights nearby and the kid was approaching them much faster than his dad, who was slowed by his other interests. Was it social media, email, or breaking news, I don't know. Whatever it was, It must have been super important as his screen was drawing his attention like a magnet. The father fidgeted his phone a couple of times more, and then he repeated his gentle command. His son, who was now maybe 10 meters ahead didn't listen and the he was approaching the lights.
The situation got me anxious and I felt my heart skip a few beats as I was worrying if the kid is gonna stop or not. The cars don't cross the road very fast, but fast enough to cause fatal damage to a kid. Finally the dad lifted his eyes from the screen and shouted out loud telling the son to stop and not to move from there. Luckily the kid was like frozen to that place and waited his dad who was glancing his screen all the time when he walked to him.
Guess who was accused of the situation?
The man in the story is not one of a kind and that is big problems of the modern smartphone society. The parents are not there for their kids like they used to be before. The parents will still take their kids to the park and to the playground, but have you paid attention to the parents and what they are doing? Often times you can see them sitting in the corner and scrolling through their phones. They are there, but they are not present. I've seen it so many times how a parent just looks at the phone while their kid is playing. Mumbling"uhuh", "yeah, mommy can see", "you did great, honey", "just a moment and then we'll go". During this time the parent barely lifts their look from the screen.
Even though the kid might not say it or don't know how to express themselves, they know the parent is not there, they are not stupid. Why else would they push the other kid, bite them or hit them with a stick? And after they already feel bad that they are not being noticed, they get yelled at for what they just did. This is just the tip of the iceberg, the same thing is probably going on at home too. It makes me feel bad, I don't want to be same kind of a parent myself.
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I'm a mid 90's kid and so my early childhood was in the change of the millennium. I remember my mom taking me and my brother to the park where she would watch us play and cheer for the both of us. Once I was trying to do the flip on the gymnastic rings, because my brother already knew how to do it. My mom saw that I was struggling so she came to me and made sure that it was safe for me to try, I would not fall. I succeeded. I did it because my mom was there for me, and not on her phone.
Back then everyone had "dumbphones" so my mom didn't have a device that could have drawn her attention elsewhere. That's the kind of parent I want to be as well. I'm aware of my lack of self-discipline, that is what got me to delete most of my apps and do research about "dumbphones" today.
I'm not saying that parents should quit social media or dump their smartphones after having their kids. I'm saying that there is a better time for them, like when your kid is napping or playing by themselves. But when you are doing things with your kid, be present. I'm sure you won't remember your friend's Instagram stories after a while, but you will remember the time when your kid learned how to bounce a basketball or rode a bike for the first time.
How about you guys, have you rushed in to this very phenomenon and how it have made you feel?
Also I'm in a desperate search of a "dumbphone" right now, any suggestions? I got my eyes on the upcoming 8210, but should I just buy a random brick and probably upgrade later?
Loggin off for now, thank you for reading and have a great one!
THIS is the heart of the matter for sure. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I am a mom of 2. smart devices are ruining parenting. The examples you use are good ones - you may have caught the dad in the wrong moment, maybe there's something crazy going down at home, maybe he's taught the 4 year old really well not to go in the street.... maybe. OR like you said we're being pulled away from our children by the stupid glowing rectangles. We will see damage in our children from all of this. One of the core parts of sucessful parenting is attachment. Your child must feel comfortable and safe with you, and know that they get to have secure, 100% attention from you when they need it. Not all the time, but enough of the time that they know they're your #1. This helps them develop functional emotional regulation. When they're little, they need your help to learn and grow to be a person. If you're distracted, it actually hurts your child. Deep down they disconnect or don't feel as attached, and it breaks down the security of your relationship, which can make the emotional development for them much more challenging. The giant, glaring red flags are all around us.... but it feels like so many people are just not looking up and seeing them!!! It's so sad. So stressful. I've been typing for a while now so I'll just stop. Thanks for reading.
ReplyDeleteI have a Kyocera Dura XV. Works great, but was spendy. I'd make a list of priorities in things you need and just go for a phone. I've been so happy with my dumphone experience. You'll learn you need hardly anything and function just fine.
Thank you for your comment. Yes I agree with you. A parent should be there for the child especially in the situation they need it. You can give your child too much attention yes, but that's why I wanted to point out the situations when you are doing things together or learning new things. When you do something together, a parent should be supportive and present for real. Give them the support when they hesitate, allow them to try securely. Praise them when they succeed and comfort them if they don't. If a parent is continuously staring at their screens, it can lead into desperate attention seeking aka doing stupid things and not just in the childhood, but later in life too.
ReplyDeleteI did some research on your phone. I think it looks great, maybe too pricy for me though. Luckily I managed to get myself a dumbphone. Can't wait to put it in action and start my challenge. More on that later. Stay tuned!
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